Preparing for Sunday

In 4 days I will go and ask for my Indian name as instructed.  The motivation to go to the previous Sweat was to ask the elder about the meaning of my bear dreams...the last one disturbed me greatly, especially the cougar dream that came only days after it. Then as a grad finale of a dream,  3 older indian men dressed in full regalia are sitting in my kitchen. It was an 'enough is enough' kind of feeling so I went to seek guidance.  I was not prepared for the physical sensation of discomfort, the heat,  the thick smell of burning  sweetgrass (?), and being squished in the back of the Lodge in complete darkness.  I also felt completely out of place.  I felt white inside and out and I  had to leave the lodge after the first round. The only thing I feel strongly about is some mutant gene from my native past has been showing itself in my dreams for years.  A white lady with indian dreams....it's like having a grandparent who speaks only the old language but you are assimilated and cannot understand her.
After the last Sweat, the Elder said the bear was tying to tell me there is something I should be doing,  and the cougar represents the courage I need to have to do it.  He said I should come back next time with red cloth and ask for an Indian name and then things will become more clear to me.   I should be more prepared but I am preoccupied with the daily things of life and feel scattered.  In 4 days I have to gather up the strength to sit through the Sweat again.