The ex apologized for everything a year ago and he has continued to be supportive of the life I have with my loving family. He says he is glad I am happy in my life. I sense his sincerity by his words and actions. His life has been filled with addiction and drama. And there has been a lot of darkness. He has a fragile heart so I wanted to offer prayer to Grandmother and Grandfather to help guide him in the direction of the good road. I wanted to return the goodwill that he has shown towards me.
The Lodge was so very hot this time. I know what the heat represents and there is no longer any fear for my physical health.
Ceremony was strong and powerful. There were many who needed doctoring today and nine Sundancers were called in to assist. All the drummers participated as well as the whistle blowers and the pipe carriers. Bear medicine was passed around and I put some over my heart to help heal the emotional stuff that I experienced so long ago with the ex. After 4 rounds we exited the Lodge and as I exited I felt a weakness come over me. I sat on my towel outside the Lodge as my body recovered. Releasing the past exhausted my body . I realized while I was praying for him during ceremony I was receiving healing in return. Meegwetch.
The Feast was fabulous too.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Cougar Dream and Bear Choker Necklace
DREAM:
The cougar appeared right behind me and I was trying to get inside a structure, it was sort of like a subway car where the driver sits. My right arm was resting on my lower back trying to sense how close the cougar was as I was about to go through the door. I could feel the skin of its nose and it's breath on my hand. I was trying to remain calm so it would not sense my fear and attack. I managed to get into the subway car and quickly closed the door on the cougar. It's face appeared in the side window, I closed the blind, then it went to the front window and I did the same thing. It went to the window on the left. I closed that one too and then woke up.
I only had one other cougar dream prior to last night's dream which I may have written about on this blog some time ago. It took place in between the sickly bear dream and the 3 Elders in my kitchen dream. It was the series of these 3 dreams that finally prompted me to go see the Elder at my first Sweat. The Elder told me the Cougar represents the courage to do what I should be doing. I can still see the Elder's face as he looked at me and casually asked "So, what is it you should be doing?", as though I had a clue.
INTERPRETATION:
Yesterday I received a bear choker necklace in the mail from my sister ( the one who inadvertently started me on this native journey). It is made of natural material and bone and she recently acquired this from a Navajo person. It is a cherished gift and I explained to her I have not felt connected to the native stuff for some time as there are other things going on that is consuming my energy and focus. It was nice to receive this as a reminder to not stray from my heritage. As an aside I explained to her how I feel I am drifting away from my respected profession and feel a calling to do something that I struggle with due to my own prejudices and fear of what others would think of me. I would feel like a 'flake' to turn away from my career in order to persue this other dream that is linked to our environment and healthy living. It's fitting the cougar came to me last night to say I needed the courage to do what I should be doing.
The cougar appeared right behind me and I was trying to get inside a structure, it was sort of like a subway car where the driver sits. My right arm was resting on my lower back trying to sense how close the cougar was as I was about to go through the door. I could feel the skin of its nose and it's breath on my hand. I was trying to remain calm so it would not sense my fear and attack. I managed to get into the subway car and quickly closed the door on the cougar. It's face appeared in the side window, I closed the blind, then it went to the front window and I did the same thing. It went to the window on the left. I closed that one too and then woke up.
I only had one other cougar dream prior to last night's dream which I may have written about on this blog some time ago. It took place in between the sickly bear dream and the 3 Elders in my kitchen dream. It was the series of these 3 dreams that finally prompted me to go see the Elder at my first Sweat. The Elder told me the Cougar represents the courage to do what I should be doing. I can still see the Elder's face as he looked at me and casually asked "So, what is it you should be doing?", as though I had a clue.
INTERPRETATION:
Yesterday I received a bear choker necklace in the mail from my sister ( the one who inadvertently started me on this native journey). It is made of natural material and bone and she recently acquired this from a Navajo person. It is a cherished gift and I explained to her I have not felt connected to the native stuff for some time as there are other things going on that is consuming my energy and focus. It was nice to receive this as a reminder to not stray from my heritage. As an aside I explained to her how I feel I am drifting away from my respected profession and feel a calling to do something that I struggle with due to my own prejudices and fear of what others would think of me. I would feel like a 'flake' to turn away from my career in order to persue this other dream that is linked to our environment and healthy living. It's fitting the cougar came to me last night to say I needed the courage to do what I should be doing.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Another Quote
Jotted down this quote on a post it some time ago and just came across it in the office:
"You should learn how to plant something, that is the first connection" - Red Crow.
It struck a chord with me as this is a realization that came to hit home this season. Watching my garden grow I became aware of something bigger than us all in how things are interconnected. The Creator, The Great Mystery has many lessons to teach in the garden.
"You should learn how to plant something, that is the first connection" - Red Crow.
It struck a chord with me as this is a realization that came to hit home this season. Watching my garden grow I became aware of something bigger than us all in how things are interconnected. The Creator, The Great Mystery has many lessons to teach in the garden.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Basil and a Bombardment of Thoughts
When I brought the basil from the garden in for dehydrating, the aroma filled the house and then to my senses which resulted in a feeling of sheer delight. This was followed by another thought, "who shall I give this to"? This may be the last harvest of the year, it is the last of the basil and I questioned whether it is unusual to think of giving such a prized possession away?
This thought led me to recall a recent comment from an old friend. He mentioned an incident where I had left some of my belongings behind ...things I enjoyed. I left them behind but it was not from being careless. Throughout my life people have made similar comments and although it must be part of my character, it surprised me that people found it worth commenting on, something to mention to me years later. It is a character trait that drives my husband crazy because sometimes they are valuable things that I let go of....give to people who may need it, or who I believe may enjoy it. It wasn't until the moment of dehydrating basil that I accepted this is part of who I am...what is in my soul to do naturally.
Then another thought came. It is part of the native cultural belief system that there is abundance that flows from giving. It is a strong part of the culture not to be attached to things. I can relate completely with those sentiments. One of the ways this is done is through the 'Give Away' ceremony. Today the realization came that I have this trait deeply rooted in my genes and this makes me feel connected to my past, to my roots. It feels right and true.
It is the native belief system which is embedded in this soul, that part that stayed with me after all these generations that I find delight in and that will continue to annoy my husband to no end.
This thought led me to recall a recent comment from an old friend. He mentioned an incident where I had left some of my belongings behind ...things I enjoyed. I left them behind but it was not from being careless. Throughout my life people have made similar comments and although it must be part of my character, it surprised me that people found it worth commenting on, something to mention to me years later. It is a character trait that drives my husband crazy because sometimes they are valuable things that I let go of....give to people who may need it, or who I believe may enjoy it. It wasn't until the moment of dehydrating basil that I accepted this is part of who I am...what is in my soul to do naturally.
Then another thought came. It is part of the native cultural belief system that there is abundance that flows from giving. It is a strong part of the culture not to be attached to things. I can relate completely with those sentiments. One of the ways this is done is through the 'Give Away' ceremony. Today the realization came that I have this trait deeply rooted in my genes and this makes me feel connected to my past, to my roots. It feels right and true.
It is the native belief system which is embedded in this soul, that part that stayed with me after all these generations that I find delight in and that will continue to annoy my husband to no end.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Last Night's Bear Dream.
I was running away from it (yawn, what else is new) but this time I could feel its breath at the back of my neck. Then I could feel it's teeth sinking into me. Then I woke up.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The night before last I dreamt of hiding in a cave.
Last night the wolf came. So I ran, then woke up. Fell back asleep and there it was again. This cycle of dreaming, running and waking happened a few times. Finally, the wolf who was behind me, asked if I was planning to spend my time running from it too. Although I was scared, it did not bring absolute terror as the bear had, so I stopped to listen. It taught me that I have been running from the shame of all those years ago with the ex. The tears are flowing out of me now and hopefully those feelings I've been holding on to will be washed away with those tears. Even in this sad place, I am grateful for the gentle visit from the wolf.
The next Sweat will be to give thanks. I will pass tobacco into the fire for my ex who contacted me in kindness and pray that he will receive kindness in return. I will also give thanks for sending the photo that helped open up the door to my subconscious, so that I would be available to receive this teaching. I will blow my prayers onto the sounds of the drums and attach it to the voices that accompany them so that they may be heard.
Myscomyinganeekway - Red Wolf Woman.
Last night the wolf came. So I ran, then woke up. Fell back asleep and there it was again. This cycle of dreaming, running and waking happened a few times. Finally, the wolf who was behind me, asked if I was planning to spend my time running from it too. Although I was scared, it did not bring absolute terror as the bear had, so I stopped to listen. It taught me that I have been running from the shame of all those years ago with the ex. The tears are flowing out of me now and hopefully those feelings I've been holding on to will be washed away with those tears. Even in this sad place, I am grateful for the gentle visit from the wolf.
The next Sweat will be to give thanks. I will pass tobacco into the fire for my ex who contacted me in kindness and pray that he will receive kindness in return. I will also give thanks for sending the photo that helped open up the door to my subconscious, so that I would be available to receive this teaching. I will blow my prayers onto the sounds of the drums and attach it to the voices that accompany them so that they may be heard.
Myscomyinganeekway - Red Wolf Woman.
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