Ego in the Sweat Lodge.

Round 1:  Remember why I am here.  Why we are all here.  The start of Chiibi.  I focus on JP. The heat comes suddenly making it difficult to breath that I  have to focus on staying calm and not worry about what is to come ( will it be too hot, uncomfortable etc...).   It feels right being here honouring JP.  Doing what I could not do in life for him which was to be there for him.

Round 2:  The door opens and I stay put.  Part of me wants to crawl out for fear of what this round will bring.  It brings more heat, more singing, more teaching.  I move with the sounds.  The songs are new.  I am here JP.  Does your spirit know that?

Round 3: Some are leaving now and there is a bit more room. A new Elder comes in to continue with more teachings.  I concentrate on the teachings through the heat.  These songs are not familiar.  Why not?  I realized I need to learn more songs.  Singing help you connect.  I can only move to the drum and feel what my ancestors must have felt.  It feels like home even if  it so sooo hot.

Round 4:  Always Round 4 for me is the home free round.  Easy.  The  difficult part is over  there is a lightness to it. I think to myself Ha! I made it through.. Oh how proud of myself I am at this moment. Heck, it is hardly even hot in here compared to what it was.  I drop the towel that I had been using to drape over my head and that I use to breath through in the extreme heat.  Oh how smug I am.  Just as I am in the midst of being so proud of myself this wall of fire heat blasts over and through my body and I cannot breathe but for shallow breathes it burns my lungs  Like fire has entered. For all I know I am on fire.  Did I hear someone shout "open the door" half way through a song or was it myself screaming inside?  I fumble for the towel but it is too late.It will not shield me know.  I have to accept this. I feel the sacredness that is in this place and I am small. Humble.We are not alone in this Lodge and I am aware of that.  Eventually this round ends and at last the doors open and I am much relieved.  Then my body shakes and I say I need to put my head down quickly.  The lady to my right says put my head so that it is touching the cool  ground.  The healing Earth.  Mother Earth.  I lay there for 2 minutes until my body feels normal again.  I have learned my lesson.