Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Ego in the Sweat Lodge.
Round 1: Remember why I am here. Why we are all here. The start of Chiibi. I focus on JP. The heat comes suddenly making it difficult to breath that I have to focus on staying calm and not worry about what is to come ( will it be too hot, uncomfortable etc...). It feels right being here honouring JP. Doing what I could not do in life for him which was to be there for him.
Round 2: The door opens and I stay put. Part of me wants to crawl out for fear of what this round will bring. It brings more heat, more singing, more teaching. I move with the sounds. The songs are new. I am here JP. Does your spirit know that?
Round 3: Some are leaving now and there is a bit more room. A new Elder comes in to continue with more teachings. I concentrate on the teachings through the heat. These songs are not familiar. Why not? I realized I need to learn more songs. Singing help you connect. I can only move to the drum and feel what my ancestors must have felt. It feels like home even if it so sooo hot.
Round 4: Always Round 4 for me is the home free round. Easy. The difficult part is over there is a lightness to it. I think to myself Ha! I made it through.. Oh how proud of myself I am at this moment. Heck, it is hardly even hot in here compared to what it was. I drop the towel that I had been using to drape over my head and that I use to breath through in the extreme heat. Oh how smug I am. Just as I am in the midst of being so proud of myself this wall of fire heat blasts over and through my body and I cannot breathe but for shallow breathes it burns my lungs Like fire has entered. For all I know I am on fire. Did I hear someone shout "open the door" half way through a song or was it myself screaming inside? I fumble for the towel but it is too late.It will not shield me know. I have to accept this. I feel the sacredness that is in this place and I am small. Humble.We are not alone in this Lodge and I am aware of that. Eventually this round ends and at last the doors open and I am much relieved. Then my body shakes and I say I need to put my head down quickly. The lady to my right says put my head so that it is touching the cool ground. The healing Earth. Mother Earth. I lay there for 2 minutes until my body feels normal again. I have learned my lesson.
Round 2: The door opens and I stay put. Part of me wants to crawl out for fear of what this round will bring. It brings more heat, more singing, more teaching. I move with the sounds. The songs are new. I am here JP. Does your spirit know that?
Round 3: Some are leaving now and there is a bit more room. A new Elder comes in to continue with more teachings. I concentrate on the teachings through the heat. These songs are not familiar. Why not? I realized I need to learn more songs. Singing help you connect. I can only move to the drum and feel what my ancestors must have felt. It feels like home even if it so sooo hot.
Round 4: Always Round 4 for me is the home free round. Easy. The difficult part is over there is a lightness to it. I think to myself Ha! I made it through.. Oh how proud of myself I am at this moment. Heck, it is hardly even hot in here compared to what it was. I drop the towel that I had been using to drape over my head and that I use to breath through in the extreme heat. Oh how smug I am. Just as I am in the midst of being so proud of myself this wall of fire heat blasts over and through my body and I cannot breathe but for shallow breathes it burns my lungs Like fire has entered. For all I know I am on fire. Did I hear someone shout "open the door" half way through a song or was it myself screaming inside? I fumble for the towel but it is too late.It will not shield me know. I have to accept this. I feel the sacredness that is in this place and I am small. Humble.We are not alone in this Lodge and I am aware of that. Eventually this round ends and at last the doors open and I am much relieved. Then my body shakes and I say I need to put my head down quickly. The lady to my right says put my head so that it is touching the cool ground. The healing Earth. Mother Earth. I lay there for 2 minutes until my body feels normal again. I have learned my lesson.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sweat Lodge Calling. Maybe.
Woke up with the crazy strong urge to get ceremonial tobacco and red cloth today. I hope to stay true as to what I am supposed to be doing with it.
The man behind the counter where I buy tobacco asked for my number. To some this might read as phone number but no, not that number (haha just realized how this might have been misinterpreted). Anyway, it makes me feel good that at this location I seem to be recognized, where my outside matches my inside. Everywhere else in my life, I am white on the outside and red on the inside. Except when I go to Sweat Lodge.
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