I went in search of guidance of a lighter nature. "Plant something. That is the first step" I heard Red Crow say in an interview around the time of my awakening of the interconnection of growing food and its connection to The Great Mystery. My growth in the garden has led to the desire to plant as my ancestors did, using seeds cultivated from the past, and I figured a good way to find answers is to attend Lodge. There must be people who still have this skill and this is the path I am on presently.
The answers or messages we receive in the Lodge do not always correspond to the questions at hand, but rather to something we are experiencing but not necessarily aware we need a teaching about .
The topic of this Sweat was gratitude. Strange. Gratitude is something I have been thinking A LOT about lately. It baffles me because I should be over it by now, yet somehow it continues to grow inside me and brings many gifts. The person of my past, the same one who was the source of my terrifying bear dreams, who apologized some 20 years later has given me a gift I could never ever have imagined. The resulting feeling of gratitude has grown to enhance my entire outlook on life. My heart has unloaded a heavy burden and my spirit is free. He said it meant so very much to him that he has received the gift of forgiveness, but the opportunity to forgive means equally as much. This is what I have learned and have been thinking about lately.
This Sweat was the first one I have been to that is run by women and is for women only. I was told it was a more gentle kind of Lodge than some others I had been to. The first thing you notice upon entering is that it has been decorated by a woman. Ribbon neatly crisscross the ceiling of the Lodge with matching blankets covering the ground. I looked specifically for a Bear sign for which there was none. I even had to look up to make sure there wasn't surprise bear fur dangling over my head like last time. Nada. Nothing. I still look for the Bear even though it doesn't chase me in my dreams anymore.
And so the Lodge proceeded in a gentle manner.....then round three arrived and the bear grease came out. I felt whole and didn't feel I needed it for healing but put it over my heart anyway as I had done in a previous Sweat. I smiled inside knowing the Bear still surprises me with its visits but the nature if its visits has changed. Drumming signaled the beginning of the bear song and a voice from the bottom of my stomach rose and my voice roared. The Lodge became hot, HOT but the singing kept me from struggling against it. For the first time the strength of the Bear worked through me as my voice joined other strong voices as we sang for another's healing. The Bear of my past is gone. My fear is gone.
