Drum Dream

I was somewhere outside where there was some kind of gathering. It felt as though the event was just about to start and people were mingling about. There was much fuss about my dress. I said I don't need one as I already have a dress, the ribbon skirt (close enough). Someone outside of my line of vision, passed a dress and people were raising their arms to carefully receive this dress as they passed it person to person towards me. There seemed to be some kind of urgency of the people passing this dress to me. When it reached me I could see it was made from drum material ( hide). The print on the dress was of a drum I have seen. I could see the dress did not fit me and thought I must give it to a woman I know because it looked to be about her size.

The morning after this dream I went outside and immediately remembered the drum stick hanging in the tree, the one I was supposed to remember to remove 12 days ago. My first thought upon remembering the stick was hoping that it would not be there. It was there. After undoing the knot of the twine I held the stick in my hands and noticed it had a nice fresh feel to it. I placed it in the house just inside the door and didn't think of it again ( I was rushing about as it is harvest time and there is much to do in the yard). Perhaps I should have been able to make the connection of the drum dream and the drum stick, but I did not.

The morning after that I was in the shower washing off the swampy mud from my feet after a particularly refreshing muddy run, and not thinking about anything except how well the muck sticks to skin even after standing in the shower for 10 minutes, when this thought as loud as a voice came to mind and said it is time to contact the drum lady. The drum lady has mentioned on at least 2 occasions within the last year that I should come to make a drum with her. She is the same lady in the dream who would fit the drum dress perfectly. But I only made the connection at the moment the voice disturbed my leisurely shower. Ha, but I finally did get the connection, so there!

There is more.....

Upon completion of this post I just considered another connection. The drum design of the dress in my dream, taken from the drum I have actually seen, was at that time being drummed by a woman I do not know who was singing with a bunch of other women with drums...get this...The Bear song (Cree version). I kid you not. I am so slow on making these connections that it is no wonder my dreams have practically come to a screeching halt.

Awhile ago I bought a drum stick. There was a bunch of them made by grade 4 aboriginal students to help support an upcoming field trip. The teacher was at the table selling them and I did not get a good feel from him...like he was not balanced or something. It happens sometimes that I get these strong feelings, something in my gut and I felt this aversion soon after he started talking. I looked through the sticks made by the talented students and finally picked a beautiful beige and blue one. During this time other people came to the table and tested a desired stick on the drum. I liked how these people could tell a good stick from a bad sounding stick and yet I could not hear the difference! I picked my stick because of the colours and the feel of it. I paid up and as I was walking away the teacher calls out to me to say the stick is very special because he made it himself. Well isn't that just great. I have some kind of intuition I guess.

Not long afterwards I was instructed to hang the stick in a tree for 4 days to cleanse it. I just got around to hanging it in the tree today. If it is not there after 4 days then it was not meant to be mine.

Mourning Song

It is true, what he said. Red Crow was once asked how would someone start to get in touch with what is important in life. "Plant something. That is the first connection." When you feel a connection to the earth (our mother), the real world, you inevitably become more affected by the negative/ foolish impacts that occur at the hands of the powerful to it and to all living beings. And so this happened again last night. I am talking about harsh chemicals being spewed into our neighbourhoods in the hopes of ridding ourselves of mosquitos. Living in a flood plain this is an impossible task. But they spray and spray again, never telling us of the consequences. Today, in my sadness, I sat with a drummer and we drummed on the big drum, Grandmother Drum. We started with the mourning song, followed with the wolf song, the bear song for courage for what I should be doing (this comes up again?), finishing with the all encompassing earth song. Am I becoming a 'crazy' environmentalist, or finding a stronger bond with my aboriginal roots? I think it is the latter.

The Event

I completed my spiritual run in the ceremonial skirt running along the same route as the buffalo runners from years gone by. The first 6 miles were uphill ( I think its called a bute). Thankfully I did not know this until a few minutes before starting and so there was no time to get myself psyched out about it. We were told it was going to be a tough course and that we should call out our names for guidance when it becomes difficult, and to remember the runners before us. Do not focus on the body, I was was told, because the body will follow. Later, there came a point where I had to say to myself over and over again " Myskomyinganeekway" while my skirt flowed around me. And when I reached the top I could see around in all directions, not a road or a house in sight. I became joyful because I was still strong and I knew I was not alone. I finished the final 6 miles strong and joyful and could not believe it. But my time was 20 minutes longer than my slowest race, so I knew it was tough yet somehow I was shielded from it.

Later at the capturing ceremony, I was told I should to go to a certain location. He leaned in to say the name it has, is not the name the Pikani gave it ( out of respect I will refrain from disclosing the location). When something is very sacred it cannot be named. Then he told me, the girl who is still wondering if her dreams have left her, that this sacred spot is a place for dreams. I hope I get to visit there soon.

The Skirt is Done

I may have ancestral aboriginal blood running through my veins but I have an urban white girl's sense of fashion, so the idea of having a ceremonial skirt made out of my wolf pattern material with 4 different colours of bright ribbon sewn across the bottom was not appealing ( sorry ancestors). That is why I took it to Yana and begged her to make it look nice. Yana is a wonderfully talented seamstress with a thick Russian accent that sounds fabulous. I love to hear her talk. Anyway, $55 later I have a ceremonial skirt that I can live with. Why do I need this now? I am crossing 2 provinces to attend a powwow. Its much more than a powow. Or maybe it isn't going to be anything as I imagine. But the fellow who organized the event contacted me ( in an unrelated manner) and talked about things I have been thinking about and so I knew I had to go. It takes place in 2 days and me and the skirt are leaving in a handful of hours for the long drive out west.

No More Dreams

I wonder if my dreams have left me.

Dream

I was in the Lodge that I sometimes go to with a lot of other people. There may have been a Sweat going on but I was in dialogue with the Elder. In real life I like him a lot. He is sincere and has an air about him that is comforting. In my dream he explained what he was going to do.. asked if it was ok. I agreed because I wanted to get to the next level in my learning experience. He started cutting into the lower part of my scalp.. .kind of peeled it back. Then he did the same to the top part of my scalp, above my forehead and peeled it back. It did not hurt but the skin was thick and chunky and kind of grossed me out. Later it was time to exit the Lodge and as I did so with the Elder, an old woman saw what was done and became angry. I could not understand what they were saying but I sensed she was telling him he made a mistake and I became horrified at my physical state which could not be undone. It was as if this old woman was his Elder, he was just learning and didn't know what he was doing. He gave me a wig to try and conceal the flaps of skin that were sliced, but it was grey ( it might have been my neighbour's wig... the one she wore when she was enduring chemo a couple of years ago) and did not hide anything. Then I woke up.

This dream took place three weeks ago.

Red Sucker Lake, a reserve known only to me by reputation. I've been told the first thing you see upon arrival ( by plane, there are no roads) is "Welcome to Hell" painted on the side of a building. Reserves are often very poor and quality of living conditions deplorable, so imagine my surprise when a radio announcer thanked a 12 year old girl from this reserve, and 4 of her friends for collecting $400 from her neighbours to donate to Haiti. They went door to door in their reserve and the people dug deep into their pockets to help others across the globe. As an Elder said upon hearing this, " we were brought up to give to others in greater need than ourselves".

Pipe Ceremony

It was for a lady I knew only briefly but was asked to accompany a friend to the ceremony. This lady was from a Reserve up North and she was a well respected Elder in her community who moved to Winnipeg to complete her Masters at U of M when she died suddenly. Heard the mourning song they play for the family left behind. Kind of rips your heart out and I won't soon forget it. In the words of Crowfoot:

"What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."

Bear Lodge Continued

Awoke this morning feeling the lesson of yesterday's experience. It is time to put my colours on my ceremony dress. I feel very strongly that this is what I need to do. That person was pushing me to come out of myself and this is what came to me today.

Bear Lodge

Today I found myself inside a Bear Lodge at the request of a loved one. I told her this was going to be all about her... I would be praying for her as it was her birthday and were celebrating this milestone in her life. But then things don't always come as we plan and I told her afterwards she got 5 minutes of my praying at best.

After finding my place inside the Lodge I noticed bear fur attached to a string directly above me. The one and only piece of bear fur in the Lodge was dangling 6 inches above my head. Surprise.

The Lodge started and I began to focus on my friend when that person beside me began to do what they do. Those ones that come to challenge us, to help us heal was sitting beside me. I could no longer pray for my friend as this person to my right was taking up all my concentration. I was getting irritated by his actions. Although he was quite funny, the humour was lost on me in the intense heat and after the third round had to leave.


While we were preparing to go home I told my friend although I knew who his type was I didn't understand why he was sitting beside me, focussing on me, distracting me. I didn't need healing. The majority of the people in the Lodge were participating in an aboriginal addiction program and many came from abusive backgrounds Although I too came from an abusive background it feels like it happened to another person as I only remember it and no longer feel it as I did in my youth. The woman I am today replaced the broken girl of the past long ago and i am more thankful for this than I could ever convey in words. I hope one day those people will be separated from the pain that grips them today and that they will one day be free.

During the ride home my friend and I were talking about our childhood experiences and I told her I don't know how I ended up like this and that I felt I didn't deserve to have this good life I have now. She turned to me and said " So you didn't need healing eh?".

Mukluks

My search so far has led to a dead end, so putting it out there that I would like to be taught how to make the kind of mukluks I am looking for. Ask and you shall receive?