Cougar and Lion Dream

Out my back screen door I could see a cougar relaxing over top of my umbrella style clothes line. I had a pet lion in the house and I was scared it would sense the cougar in the back yard and attack. As I tried to close the back door I wondered why was I not afraid of the huge lion and how odd I should have this as a pet. The back door would not close so there was only a screen door to separate the cougar on the outside and the lion and me on the inside. There was some kind of thickness between it and the screen door and the hinge came off. I was trying to press the door shut as hard as I could at the same time yelling for my husband to quickly fix the door. The lion stirred suddenly and I knew it had now picked up the cougar's scent and it came racing up the basement stairs to attack. I got out of the way just in time and woke up.

Today's Ceremony

The ex apologized for everything a year ago and he has continued to be supportive of the life I have with my loving family. He says he is glad I am happy in my life. I sense his sincerity by his words and actions. His life has been filled with addiction and drama. And there has been a lot of darkness. He has a fragile heart so I wanted to offer prayer to Grandmother and Grandfather to help guide him in the direction of the good road. I wanted to return the goodwill that he has shown towards me.

The Lodge was so very hot this time. I know what the heat represents and there is no longer any fear for my physical health.
Ceremony was strong and powerful. There were many who needed doctoring today and nine Sundancers were called in to assist. All the drummers participated as well as the whistle blowers and the pipe carriers. Bear medicine was passed around and I put some over my heart to help heal the emotional stuff that I experienced so long ago with the ex. After 4 rounds we exited the Lodge and as I exited I felt a weakness come over me. I sat on my towel outside the Lodge as my body recovered. Releasing the past exhausted my body . I realized while I was praying for him during ceremony I was receiving healing in return. Meegwetch.

The Feast was fabulous too.

Cougar Dream and Bear Choker Necklace

DREAM:
The cougar appeared right behind me and I was trying to get inside a structure, it was sort of like a subway car where the driver sits. My right arm was resting on my lower back trying to sense how close the cougar was as I was about to go through the door. I could feel the skin of its nose and it's breath on my hand. I was trying to remain calm so it would not sense my fear and attack. I managed to get into the subway car and quickly closed the door on the cougar. It's face appeared in the side window, I closed the blind, then it went to the front window and I did the same thing. It went to the window on the left. I closed that one too and then woke up.

I only had one other cougar dream prior to last night's dream which I may have written about on this blog some time ago. It took place in between the sickly bear dream and the 3 Elders in my kitchen dream. It was the series of these 3 dreams that finally prompted me to go see the Elder at my first Sweat. The Elder told me the Cougar represents the courage to do what I should be doing. I can still see the Elder's face as he looked at me and casually asked "So, what is it you should be doing?", as though I had a clue.

INTERPRETATION:
Yesterday I received a bear choker necklace in the mail from my sister ( the one who inadvertently started me on this native journey). It is made of natural material and bone and she recently acquired this from a Navajo person. It is a cherished gift and I explained to her I have not felt connected to the native stuff for some time as there are other things going on that is consuming my energy and focus. It was nice to receive this as a reminder to not stray from my heritage. As an aside I explained to her how I feel I am drifting away from my respected profession and feel a calling to do something that I struggle with due to my own prejudices and fear of what others would think of me. I would feel like a 'flake' to turn away from my career in order to persue this other dream that is linked to our environment and healthy living. It's fitting the cougar came to me last night to say I needed the courage to do what I should be doing.

Another Quote

Jotted down this quote on a post it some time ago and just came across it in the office:

"You should learn how to plant something, that is the first connection" - Red Crow.

It struck a chord with me as this is a realization that came to hit home this season. Watching my garden grow I became aware of something bigger than us all in how things are interconnected. The Creator, The Great Mystery has many lessons to teach in the garden.

Tarahumara Quote

"when you run on the earth and run with the earth, you can run forever."

Basil and a Bombardment of Thoughts

When I brought the basil from the garden in for dehydrating, the aroma filled the house and then to my senses which resulted in a feeling of sheer delight. This was followed by another thought, "who shall I give this to"? This may be the last harvest of the year, it is the last of the basil and I questioned whether it is unusual to think of giving such a prized possession away?

This thought led me to recall a recent comment from an old friend. He mentioned an incident where I had left some of my belongings behind ...things I enjoyed. I left them behind but it was not from being careless. Throughout my life people have made similar comments and although it must be part of my character, it surprised me that people found it worth commenting on, something to mention to me years later. It is a character trait that drives my husband crazy because sometimes they are valuable things that I let go of....give to people who may need it, or who I believe may enjoy it. It wasn't until the moment of dehydrating basil that I accepted this is part of who I am...what is in my soul to do naturally.

Then another thought came. It is part of the native cultural belief system that there is abundance that flows from giving. It is a strong part of the culture not to be attached to things. I can relate completely with those sentiments. One of the ways this is done is through the 'Give Away' ceremony. Today the realization came that I have this trait deeply rooted in my genes and this makes me feel connected to my past, to my roots. It feels right and true.

It is the native belief system which is embedded in this soul, that part that stayed with me after all these generations that I find delight in and that will continue to annoy my husband to no end.

Last Night's Bear Dream.

I was running away from it (yawn, what else is new) but this time I could feel its breath at the back of my neck. Then I could feel it's teeth sinking into me. Then I woke up.

The night before last I dreamt of hiding in a cave.

Last night the wolf came. So I ran, then woke up. Fell back asleep and there it was again. This cycle of dreaming, running and waking happened a few times. Finally, the wolf who was behind me, asked if I was planning to spend my time running from it too. Although I was scared, it did not bring absolute terror as the bear had, so I stopped to listen. It taught me that I have been running from the shame of all those years ago with the ex. The tears are flowing out of me now and hopefully those feelings I've been holding on to will be washed away with those tears. Even in this sad place, I am grateful for the gentle visit from the wolf.

The next Sweat will be to give thanks. I will pass tobacco into the fire for my ex who contacted me in kindness and pray that he will receive kindness in return. I will also give thanks for sending the photo that helped open up the door to my subconscious, so that I would be available to receive this teaching. I will blow my prayers onto the sounds of the drums and attach it to the voices that accompany them so that they may be heard.

Myscomyinganeekway - Red Wolf Woman.

A Bear and an Old Boyfriend

Six months ago an old flame contacted me via email, after having no contact for 20 years. It was a violent and passionate relationship, and I loved him completely and foolishly. He broke my fragile young heart. Eventually I left, moved to a different city and never spoke with him again. A little over six months ago he emailed saying he was sorry.

Yesterday he emailed saying when he was in BC he came across a mother bear with her 2 cubs. The huge mother bear had been hit by a car and was trying to recover next to an orchard when he took this picture. How odd for him to send this to me, how odd that I have been dreaming of being chased by a huge bear regularly for the last 20 years, how odd that my very last bear dream was of a sick bear.

Tonight while running I made the connection between my last bear dream and the time he first contacted me, around Oct'08. Furthermore, the first bear dream that I can remember having was a few months after I left him, just as I was beginning to date my husband. Can I trust my memory to be true? And if it is, what am I to make of it?

The Real Feast

2 months ago the real feast took place on Andre's farm, at the site of his red wolf dream.....the one he told me about when I received my name. I requested to have it there with Jennifer...low key. One of the highlights of that event was halfway through the ceremony when Andre said he was going to sing a song. He had the drum too. As he sang the voices of old men took over. This comforted me greatly and I began to cry. At the end of the song Andre explained he dreamed that song just before he woke up that morning.

Not Ready to Listen

Thoughts of going to Swan Creek surface into my consciousness as I go about these busy days.... I am being called to go to the home of my ancestors. That is, their home prior to relocating to the reserve (which is nowhere near this spot). There appears to be nothing here now except for a fish hatchery owned by the Manitoba Government. The road ends quite a bit further down from the old settlement site so I would have to canoe to get there. I am reluctant to listen to this calling as the idea of going into the forest scares me silly. Anyone who knows me knows I will not walk anywhere in the wilderness alone, not even at the lake. This old indian settlement that was dismantled at signing of Treaty 2 ( Aug 21,1871) seems to be forgotten as any written material aside from the signing seems to be nonexistent .

Tobacco

The only place I can find ceremonial organic tobacco is at The Smoke Shop located just outside the city limits. Today, for the first time, they asked for my treaty number instead of IF I have one.

Waking Up

How different this Sweat was from the other 2 visits when there was apprehension and fear. This new feeling came as we were beginning the 2nd Sweat (back to back) of the day. I was cramped in the back of the Lodge for this second one, already drenched in sweat and my back was snug against the wood frame as another person squished her way inside and settled in front of me. Instead of feeling discomfort which was my immediate concern, I became aware of a deep sense of comfort. I was awaken inside, for the second time today, and I had come home. Home.
Today in the Lodge I felt a reality.. when I understood that the rocks entering the Lodge were grandmothers and grandfathers who have waited since before time to come to us today to give healing and teach us their wisdom. I knew this already from teachings, but in a way one hears a story yet not truly understood by the heart. I have been told that I have blood memory and this seems to fit. I cannot imagine I could feel this way otherwise.

Just before entering the Lodge there was an eagle circling above us!

LaReine Boucher

Mrs. Peter Harkness was born LaReine Boucher Nov 14/1850. She is my great (x3) grandmother on the other side of my paternal heritage. Her father, Paul Boucher was part Sioux and part Montagnais, perhaps first generation Metis also. His own father was part Sioux. Her mother was Louise Marcellais born in Assiniboia. I was curious as to what the Minnesota Massacre was after reading in this article ..."remembers well the day when Sioux Indians in search of food, came fresh from the Minnesota Massacre to their home, and her father providing them with food, then quietly moving his little family to a distant woods for fair-haired children apparently had an attraction for the roving tribe...". Perhaps this took place in the home where she was born, at the corner of River & Wellington Crescent , before her parent's land was taken away. The Sioux that arrived must have been her dad's relatives.I found some info about MM on YouTube will try to post.

Feast and Feeding the Bear

The idea to do this was offered at the Sweat when I told of the last bear dream.  The one where the bear was skinny and sickly looking and trying to get my attention...so unlike the powerful bear dreams of the last 20 years...and how it disturbed me to think the bear had wanted  to communicate with me and I never did because I was to busy running away in terror from it.
 
 Jennifer and I both drummed, sang and talked. One song was in Cree and it was called the Travelling Bear song.  

Name,Colours, and Clan

 Myscomyinganeekway.  Red Wolf Woman. This is the name that was given to me by the Elder at Red Willow Lodge. In his vision, he saw an old woman on a red path, he met her once before he said. Her face is very kind and she told him my spirit name. The colours of my spirit are:  red for the red path that I follow, blue for the sky, green for the earth, and yellow. This is what my spirit looks like in the spirit world.

Red Willow

This is where  I received my name, a year after I unwittingly planted 6 red willow in the backyard. I like the coincidence.

unprepared

I leave at  9 am tomorrow .  It's about 1.5 hours drive to the lodge. I wanted to feel more prepared.  I thought I'd feel something stir inside when buying the cloth, the gift, the dress, prepared food for the feast.  There have been no dreams, no great moments of insight.  My dreams brought me here in the first place  so why have they stopped now? 

 

Preparing for Sunday

In 4 days I will go and ask for my Indian name as instructed.  The motivation to go to the previous Sweat was to ask the elder about the meaning of my bear dreams...the last one disturbed me greatly, especially the cougar dream that came only days after it. Then as a grad finale of a dream,  3 older indian men dressed in full regalia are sitting in my kitchen. It was an 'enough is enough' kind of feeling so I went to seek guidance.  I was not prepared for the physical sensation of discomfort, the heat,  the thick smell of burning  sweetgrass (?), and being squished in the back of the Lodge in complete darkness.  I also felt completely out of place.  I felt white inside and out and I  had to leave the lodge after the first round. The only thing I feel strongly about is some mutant gene from my native past has been showing itself in my dreams for years.  A white lady with indian dreams....it's like having a grandparent who speaks only the old language but you are assimilated and cannot understand her.
After the last Sweat, the Elder said the bear was tying to tell me there is something I should be doing,  and the cougar represents the courage I need to have to do it.  He said I should come back next time with red cloth and ask for an Indian name and then things will become more clear to me.   I should be more prepared but I am preoccupied with the daily things of life and feel scattered.  In 4 days I have to gather up the strength to sit through the Sweat again.

Festival and an Awkward Moment

Only my eldest and I went this year.  She went for the  cabane a sucre and the toboggan slide,not the least bit interested in her heritage.  I love Festival.  I love how people speak to me in French and  I love that I can still (usually) understand it.  I loved visiting the cabins and hearing the stories of the fur traders and the Red River Settlement. We watched a woman give a demonstration on how to make pemmican. Knowing that my ancestors prepared and ate this made the demonstration all the more meaningful to me. 

The awkward moment came when I approached  a speaker who gave a talk on  Louis Reil . When  I realized he was the author of  the book Red River Rebellion, I just had to tell him my news.  In his book he made a few pretty good references of Captain George Fortney.  He was  jailed for fighting against the Metis. He was also tried  with the notorious Thomas Scott for attempting to drown their employer.  Basically an unsavory character..  So when I  approached the author and told him I am the great-great-great grandaughter of  Captain George Fortney, Professeur Bumstead  gave me the blankest of stares .  He must have wondered what the heck I was doing at a Metis festival and why I would come forward to admit  this.   I never had the chance to tell him Captain George Fortney had a Metis 'country wife' and that I am a result of that union.  It was truly embarrassing.  

Swan Creek

As I go about my days,  thoughts Swan Creek often come to mind.  It was the same way before finding Great Grandfather's (x3) grave site.

  Marie Elisabeth LaPointe, Great great Grandmother, Metis  born at Swan Creek Settlement 1870 (1 year before Treaty 2 was signed) and confirmed on her Metis Script.

Swan Creek is an area that  will  likely be difficult to access, but it is on Crown Land and we could probably get to it by canoe.  I have been unsuccessful in finding much info about this Indian Settlement except for the Treaty 2 signing, Aug 21, 1871  which can be found at: www.solon.org/Aboriginal/Canada/Treaty-2.html

 The chief of Swan Creek was  Sousonse (Little Long Ears) and he  signed this treaty in which the natives had to re-locate to a Reserve.  Although Marie Elisabeth spent her adult life in Winnipeg, assimilated and claiming to be of French Heritage only, her roots must have still been fairly close to the pure bloods to have been born in a settlement. I can't help but wonder if we are related to Chief Little Long Ears.  He must have had some kind of ears. Maybe he was one of the chiefs that came to me in the dream, shortly after the last bear dream.  Who knows.  I just feel the gentle urge to go to the spot.  My sister-in-law wants to join me in search of  Marie's birth area.  She  is going to bring her drum.  I might ask her to bring her drumming group.  This is the agenda for the Spring.  Maybe I will have more answers  if I am  fortunate enough to get an Indian name in a few weeks.  I feel mostly white inside and out, but the Elder encouraged me to ask for an Indian name.  I hope it works out.

This lady is the same one in the photo below, far right  taken with her sons and her husband  who is on the far left.

Remembering the Bear

It occurred to me today that I have been dreaming about the bear for 20 years.  It may have been longer but my first memory was when I was dating Bryan.  I no longer remember the dream contents, except that I was being chased.  It must have had a huge impact on me though, as I remember telling Bryan about it and he suggested I  tell his mom, which I did and she referred me to a colleague.  That colleague was 'out there'... too new age or something and i didn't get anything out of the visit.  I didn't know about the native stuff yet.  Anyway, that was the very beginning. All bear dreams basically the same, except for the last one about 4 months ago.   Because it was different and left me saddened when I awoke, I feel the bear is gone for good.  

What Darwin Didn't Know

Came across the Darwin article the other day  in the latest National Geographic magazine:

"He never understood, as the humble Morovian monk Gregor Mendel did, that an organism isn't a blend of its two parents at all, but the composite result of lots and lots of individual traits passed down by its father and mother from their own parents, and their grandparents before them".

 

I am part of great (x6) grandmother Angelique Assiniboine (Plains)and great grandmother (x5) Josephte Sauteux, Great grandfather(x4) Paul Boucher (Hudson Bay Guide), great grandmother (x4)LaReine Boucher(who remembered  when the Sioux came fresh from the Minnesota Massacre to her parent's home in search of food ), and great (x2) grandma Marie LaPointe (born on an Indian settlement at Swan Creek. She taught her grandson how to snare rabbits). 

A Turtle for a Change

DREAM:  My family was living somewhere with a lot of other people.  The floors were like those found in a public school or hospital and this dream took place in the hallway.  I noticed people were picking something off the floor to eat.  Some would spit it out.  I thought this was odd  but went about my business.  Later I saw my daughters in a room  and I went to chat with them.  I noticed they were piling up something dead just out of my view.  Then I noticed they were eating this  just as the others were and Olivia was spitting some of it it out.  They told me it was turtle. They were large turtle bodies.  They were without shell and they had about four or five of them piled up on the floor.  I was horrified and my youngest was trying to show me how to tell if it is a good one to eat or not.